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The Most Important Thing I (and Maybe You) Should Study

September 10, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

The Most Important Thing I (and Maybe You) Should Study

After all the reading and absorbing I have been doing, I have finally reached a point where I can’t hide from it anymore.  I need to figure myself out.  I want to further deepen my relationship with myself and find out what I want.  I feel as though I have reached a point where I need to achieve another level of becoming vulnerable to myself. I’m ready.

If I don’t understand myself, what exactly am I doing?  I’m wandering around aimlessly through life.  It is the equivalent of being handed a stringed instrument and having no idea what you are playing, whether it is a guitar, violin, banjo, or sitar.  Sure, you can play the instrument and make some noise, but if you knew what instrument you had in your hands, if you studied what made it tick and shine, what chords are sublime and what patterns and scales work here and there, you could do a hell of a lot more with it!

So why not do that with myself?

I’m going to begin the journey of serious self-reflection.  To find out more about who this dude named TJ is and what is going on in that head of his.  For at least 2 weeks.

I am going to dive into myself every day and write.  I am going to notice what gets me going.  I am going to constantly ask myself, what do I want?  What are my strengths and talents?  What can I give the world?

I’m going to meditate and fully immerse myself, in myself.  Accept myself for who I am, discover who that is and what he wants, and then go from there.

This also means going out alone.

I’m going to begin the challenge by going up to an empty cabin up in the mountain, all by myself.  With nothing but a notepad.  To be completely honest, that kind of freaks me out a bit.

Oh, and also keep updates on this post about it, to help keep myself accountable, and to see how it goes so I can possibly give someone advice about what I personally experienced.

So here’s the deal…

  • -NO self-help reading on the internet, or mindless information.
  • -Every day, ask myself in writing and in a mirror, “What do I want?”  “What can I offer the world?” and “What makes me come alive?”
  • -Figure Out My Standards
  • -Write every day, looking at past experiences, current experiences, when I have been happy, when I have been sad, etc.
  • -Go out and have fun by myself.
  • -Continue with the 30 day positve thought challenge (looking at my positive traits, etc).

Day 1:  Went up into the mountain all by myself.  I sat down and felt something crazy.  Five minutes later, I started crying and letting out my pain of past experiences, then I started laughing with happiness.  I wrote down poems, thoughts, and overall had a good time with myself.  Realized in the end, my relationship with myself is the most important, and to treat myself as if I was a valued friend.
Day 2: Felt grounded.  Accomplished an extraordinary amount of work. Felt as if I had more of a drive, and respected myself more to the point I wanted to accomplish more for myself.  Had a fun night.
Day 3: Accomplished a fair amount, was very tired.  Will come in with more focus tomorrow.
Day 4: Failed to Accomplish Task
Day 5: This process has turned into me sitting with relaxing music and meditating for about 15 minutes, to writing in a notebook about who I am, what I want, and what my purpose is.  I noticed a big difference when I did this today.  I felt grounded, relaxed, and although I haven’t exactly found out my definite purpose yet, I feel as if I have more purpose throughout the day.  So far, this seems like a very beneficial exercise.
Day 6: Lived unconsciously

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